I've been dating "D" for 5 months now. I love our relationship but he messes with my mind sometimes and he doesn't stop or seem to care so much. Over the time of getting to know him, i found out he would have random girls he knows on facebook to write on his wall to make him look cool. I know this is immature but i don't really seem any harm in it. It also stems from his insecurity as well. He has also made a fake profile of a girl who he would wirte on his wall a couple of times as well. So tonight when i checked my facebook, i saw in my news feed a random girl write on his wall in a very flirtatious way. I clicked on her and it looked like a fake profile. When me and "D" talked later that night he said " did u see the comment my tutor left" ( his real tutor, not fake), and so i took this as him wanting me to see the other girls' comment ( since he tells me he likes when i get jealous). I told him i notied the girls' comment and i automatically asked if it was another fake profile since it looked really fake. I thought he would take it lightly but he didn't. He said that it was a real girl who went to his school. I played along with it and asked if he would hang out with her. and he was like " yes bitch i can do whatever i want, don't try to control me." We got into an argument and he hung up on me. I called him back and we talked about it but it really pissed me off. He just kept putting the blame on me that i'm controlling for asking him if he would hang out with that girl. I told him i only asked that question because i knew it was a fake profile. I thought that after i asked that he would laugh it off and tell me the truth. After we discussed this and got over our argument, he told me he loves that i'm jealous and passionate about him, which baffles me when he would get so bent out of shape over my question. After all of this, he still hasn't admitted it is a fake profile and i know he likes it when i am upset over other girls because he has in the past made me very jealous and insecure over this friend of his that is a girl.
Was it wrong of him to lie about this? Is this abusive that he is messing with my mind?
Was I wrong in any of this?
Comments (1)
Abusive? Probably not. Insane? Perhaps. Wildly insecure, immature, and a number of other not so pretty words? Definitely. To be blunt, he's not mature enough to be in a relationship. He needs to find a different way of fulfilling his desire for you to be passionate and jealous over him than petty transparent manipulation. If he likes that side of you, he should get it from you in a consensual way. Role playing is a perfectly valid trick couples use to satisfy their fantasies, but it should be mutually consensual. He needs another outlet, and he needs to grow up.
As for you, it's hit or miss. Since he seems to have undeniable issues (assuming this is accurate), your response and the outcome that happened is... well, unpredictable. If you want, you can help him find another outlet for his fantasy, otherwise, figure out what you want, and execute a plan of action to get it, preferably one that involves a whole lot of communicating. Sometimes it's worth it to spend one day very serious discussing something so you can spend the rest of your time afterward playing to a fantasy, than trying to play along silently and having it fall apart constantly. Good luck. You'll need it.