chicagogirl's Datingish

breaking up and moving on

Mon, 12 Sep 2011 23:45:45 GMT

I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. We would argue every couple of months but they would be really bad arguments ( he called me so many names (cunt, horrible swearing at me). He is very impulsive and his behavior is unpredictable. He has also been disrespectful to my mother.

Anyway, it was extremely hard for me to break up after that even though it really was an unhealthy relationship full of disrespect and emotional abuse. I'm trying to move on and I've become a lot closer to this guy i have known for a few years. He treats me well and shows so much respect for me. I feel like i've been so hurt by my ex boyfriend that i am so afraid to accept this sweet guy. I feel like that the only guy who would ever want to be with me forever would be my ex or any other guy who is abusive. i know this sounds weird but that's what the relationship has done to me. I've grown to think that a sweet guy won't stay with me forever. I don't really know what advice i'm looking for. I'm just scared that i will constantly think about my ex and all the good times we had and miss him, even though i know that it would continue to get worse and worse being with him. The guy i've become closer to knows all about my previous relationship and he has been hurt as well by his ex girlfriend so he understands my insecurities which i really find amazing. When will I start to trust a healthy relationship?? I'm honestly afraid that i just won't be able to move on from this abusive guy. It took me so long to finally end it but then i just think that anything good that comes won't last.

my mom wants a restraining order on my bf

Sun, 05 Sep 2010 16:39:05 GMT

my mom is a very worrisome mother. last night i went to dinner with my bf. she didn't know where i was. my phone was in my purse and i didn't hear it ring/vibrate and she tried calling me for an hour. she eventually found me at the restaurant and started freaking out. she tapped my head ( not hard, like a friend would do) and called me a stupid bitch for not picking up my phone. she said she was really worried and scared i was dead. she is very impulsive when it comes to me and my safety. my boyfriend got really mad at how my mom acted and this morning he sent her a threatening and verbally abusive text calling her a cunt and a psychopath and saying he would call the police if she ever went to his house.

i'm very torn at this point. i think he's abusive for getting involved and writing such a horrible text to my mom. they have already had problems in the past, but he has never written a text like this before to her. ( he has though to one of my friends who wasn't nice to me, and an ex). he says he's trying to protect me but i still don't think that is the way to do it. my mom says if i see him again she will call the police and get a restraining order. i'm very mad at him but i want to talk it over. i don't know if that is a good idea or not. my mom thinks he can get worse as he gets older, and could become more violent.

any advice would really help!

thanks!

is my boyfriend abusive?

Wed, 20 Jan 2010 07:09:10 GMT

I've been dating "D" for 5 months now. I love our relationship but he messes with my mind sometimes and he doesn't stop or seem to care so much. Over the time of getting to know him, i found out he would have random girls he knows on facebook to write on his wall to make him look cool. I know this is immature but i don't really seem any harm in it. It also stems from his insecurity as well. He has also made a fake profile of a girl who he would wirte on his wall a couple of times as well. So tonight when i checked my facebook, i saw in my news feed a random girl write on his wall in a very flirtatious way. I clicked on her and it looked like a fake profile. When me and "D" talked later that night he said " did u see the comment my tutor left" ( his real tutor, not fake), and so i took this as him wanting me to see the other girls' comment ( since he tells me he likes when i get jealous). I told him i notied the girls' comment and i automatically asked if it was another fake profile since it looked really fake. I thought he would take it lightly but he didn't. He said that it was a real girl who went to his school. I played along with it and asked if he would hang out with her. and he was like " yes bitch i can do whatever i want, don't try to control me." We got into an argument and he hung up on me. I called him back and we talked about it but it really pissed me off. He just kept putting the blame on me that i'm controlling for asking him if he would hang out with that girl. I told him i only asked that question because i knew it was a fake profile. I thought that after i asked that he would laugh it off and tell me the truth. After we discussed this and got over our argument, he told me he loves that i'm jealous and passionate about him, which baffles me when he would get so bent out of shape over my question. After all of this, he still hasn't admitted it is a fake profile and i know he likes it when i am upset over other girls because he has in the past made me very jealous and insecure over this friend of his that is a girl.

Was it wrong of him to lie about this? Is this abusive that he is messing with my mind?

Was I wrong in any of this?

boyfriend and sex

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 06:47:41 GMT

I've been dating my boyfriend for about 3 months now. when we had sex for the first time, he got really nervous and basically it didn't work out. One reason this happened is because he says he's really nervous because i'm the first girl he cares about and he will eventually get over it and we'll try again. But another reason he says he's not 100% attracted to me and he's very particular....He says the main reason is that he's nervous though. We have come a long way. In the beginning when we were friends, he never wanted to do anything sexual with me, but now we do, just not sex yet. It took a few months of growing to get to really care about each other to start anything sexual, which is good cuz we have a stable and concrete relationship but i do want to have sex with him. Sometimes i bring it up and he says it feels like i am pressuring him, so i try not to bring it up. Should i not bring it up anymore? wait it out??

any advice?

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 02:09:20 GMT

me and my bf are very close and have a pretty good reationship. but what really bothers me is when he brings up this other girl that he is very good friends with. and i get really jealous and posessive of him and upset. he tries to reassure me by teling me he likes me more and i'm better (more dependable and loyal) but he says she's prettier than me but i'm still "better" than her. he tells me hee doesn't want me to think this is a competition, but that he just needs to let his emotions out and tell me what he's feeling. I understand his point but it bothers me because he goes back and forth with me and thinking i'm the "best". he told me that he wants to play the field when i go back to college ( even though i'm going to be coming home at least every other weekend to see him) but he thinks after that he will be mature and will probably want to be with me. He admits that he is immture but it really upsets me that i feel unsure about him all the time, yet he tells me i don't need to be unsurebecause even if he is dating someone else he would still "hook up" with me and " be with me". so am i just going to be the "other woman" always?? he says he woul want to marry me but then he gets very fickle. i guess this isn't so atypical of a 19 year old boy but ive grown very attached to him that i'm scared to lose him. he also tells m that when i go back to school, he doesn't want me to be with any other guy, yet he still wants to be able to be with other girls. my situation sort of sucks but i guess i should be happy with what i do have with him. i don't want to be with anyone else but if he is going to hook up with other ppl while i am away, i guess i should too and move on and have other options so i can be healthy and not so stuck right now.

Do/ Should other people's moods affect you?

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 03:58:26 GMT

If someone is in a bad mood or just in some sort of funk, should that affect you and your mood? Me and "D" get together every day. Yesterday was perfect. Today, not so good. He started school and he was really tired today and just sort of in a mellow mood. We hung out at after his classes and then about an hour later he wanted to go home and shower and rest up. then we hung out again later that night for another hour or so then he had to go home cuz he has early class tomorrow and he was exhausted. After he left the first time to go home, i was sort of upset. I took it personally, and it put me in a bad mood. I felt like things are changing etc and i can't depend on him. But then when we saw eachother again later that day, he just said he's tired and that's it,it has notihng to do with me. he loves seeing me and not every day can be a perfect day. I guess dealing with the "bad" days is just something that is normal in life and there's nothing to it. I think i may be immature and a little insecure for this to affect my mood and how i think he sees me. Is that a normal reaction for me to feel? How can i not let this affect me?

did my mom meddle too much?

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 04:13:00 GMT

so sometimes when me and "D" hng out we playfully wrestle eachother and i have gotten a few bruises from it. he's NOT physically abusing me at all. It's all been out of being playful with eachother. the first time my mom saw the bruises she was really worried about it but i assured her it was fine. she told me to tell him to just be more gentle with me since even though he's not doing it on purpose, he should not give me bruises because one day i could get hurt really bad by accident. Just the other day she saw a new bruise, and she got upset again. I assured her again it's nothing. The next day when "D" came over she sat down and talked to him about it, and told him that even though it is playful i shouldnt get any bruises, and how she's been through a lot and that there are abusive ppl out there etc... I was so angry she talked to him about it, i feel like she betrayed my trust. "D" doesn't want to come oer to my house anymore because of it and i'm really upset. He would come over every night but for the past souple of nights he hasn't. He said he wanted to talk to my mom and iron things out and my mom wanted to talk to him too and just explain herself again since it seemed to be taken differently than what she wanted. he thinksshe hates him and thinks he's abusive, which is not what she meant at all. bottom line, he says he doesn't want to com over for a while. But then he'll make some jokes and say "if your mom does this, or ur dad does this for me etc.., i'll come over again". this makes me think that this is jus a game to him and my feelings are really on the line here. I don't know what to do, cuz i'm so upset he's not coming over.

give me some insight!

Tue, 28 Jul 2009 06:36:50 GMT

so i've been hanging out with 'D' everyday this summer pretty much. Wwe have gotten a lot closer and we act like a couple, and he even says things about us being a cute couple etc. we have become more physical as well, kissing/making out. seems like everything is perfect, but he said he's not attracted to me. i don't understand how someone can be some intimate and act in the way that we do if he is not attracted to me. At first i wasnt attracted to him either, but since we have beocme soo close, i feel a little more attracted to him. so since he says he's not attracted to me, he doesn't want to be my boyfriend. he says if i was hot like jennifer love hewitt he would marry me. he loves everytihng about me excet how i look, which bothers me cuz ive become so attached to him and i don't even find him so attractive as well, but i don't care as much i guess. basically, i just am baffled as to how he can kiss me and make out if he doesn't find me attractive at all. i wouldn't kiss someone i didn't find at least a little attractive, would u?

"D" just called.

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 00:58:47 GMT

My formal date just called me to talk, right when i was thinking about him and about last night at formal. We talked about how we're both frustrated that we're both not attracted to eachother and he told me he wouldn't want to date me. I think he called me because he knew i was reading into things, and i guess he wanted to clear things up before i got hurt. I told him that i wasn't attracted to him either, but i like his personality. and he said that i have a better outlook on things than he does. He's frustrated too because he really likes my personality but he wants a 'hot' girl and i'm not that. I'm pissed that guys can't slowly find a girl attractive by getting to know them (or at least he can't), like some girls do with guys. I'm also pissed cuz he's not hot either. I still don't get how can behave the way he does with me and not feel anything, but i guess that's just his personality. He also told me that when someone gets really close to him, he sort of lashes out at them and pushes them away (which is what he does to me sometimes). He said it's because he has intimacy issues. I don't know how he can get over that, but i guess it's just something he'll need to work on, because if he doesn't, he won't be able to have a long term relationship. i'm also upset cuz if I didn't find someone at least a little attractive, i wouldn't be sleeping in the same bed as close together as we did at formal. I just don't get it, but i just need to realize none of it means anything.

formal last night!

Sun, 31 May 2009 20:08:38 GMT

so last night was my sorority's spring formal which i've been planning for the last 6 months! I can't believe it's over! It went by really fast, and it was perfect. I was worried that i would be stressed but everything went really smoothly and i'm so happy. I ended up taking D to formal, and we had a lot of fun together. We were together the whole time talking and he met some of my friends so it was cool. Whenever we were in the lobby of the hotel we were always talking and laughing and he would put his hand on mine etc. And at like 1:30 am we walked to get him nyquil so he could sleep and walking back it was so sketch outside and i got kind of scared, but i felt really safe with him and he held my hand, which felt really nice. And then we went to bed, and we were cuddling the whole night. Like even when he would rearrange himself, he always would be touching me in some way, either with our legs, or arms, hands etc.. It felt really good. After last night, I feel like i'm sort of falling for him. Which sucks cuz he doesn't like me in that way cuz he's not extremely attracted to me. I'm not really attracted to him either, but the way we act together makes me feel like something is there, and after growing to know him more, i don't really care about his looks so much. But he does.. As much as i would like to think all the cuddling meant something to him as more than a friend, i don't think it did. But why would he do that with me then? I guess he just feels really comfortable with me or something? But i have other guy friends and if i were to sleep in a bed with them, i wouldn't cuddle the way we did. So idk. My situation sort of sucks cuz i feel like we are so compatible with eachother and we feel so comfortable together, but nothing is coming from it other than us becoming closer friends, which is great, but sort of upsetting too. I don't know if anything could ever change with us. He's almost 19 and i'm almost 20, so we are still young, and things can change, but i'm just upset cuz i'm falling for him right now.